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Raiderdamus’ Friday Foretelling: Raiders vs. Chargers | Mercadillo

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laiyongcai Nov 5 '18
We are required to inform you that these Foretellings are works of satire and are not for the faint of heart. Due to their content they should not be read by anyone. Please enjoy at your own risk. -The EditorGreetings Oakland Raiders Hats , Raider Nation! It is I, your host with the most, from pillar to post with roasts going coast to coast, Raiderdamus the Great and Powerful. I come to you today pleased that the Raiders are coming off a huge victory, and hopefully they are poised for another in their home away from home in Los Angeles.But will they get it? With that question in mind, I’ve once again summoned the Great Beyond to share with us the fate of the Raiders against the Chargers on Sunday. Hear his words, o mortals, and despair:“You’re back again! The Raiders pulled one out of their hats on Sunday, or rather the referees did. The Raiders have been on the losing end of so many refball games in their history, they were due to win one. Who you got this week? The Chargers? Wait, they still exist? You’re sure? Well okay. Let me start this with a story.WWE legend The Undertaker wrestled his first Wrestlemania match on March 24, 1991 during Wrestlemania VII. He defeated Jimmy ‘Superfly’ Snuka in a little over four minutes. Every year thereafter, Undertaker would walk into Wrestlemania and walk out the victor. From King Kong Bundy to Sycho Sid to Kane, Shawn Michaels, Edge and Triple H, it didn’t matter. The Undertaker beat them all at Wrestlemania, a huge accomplishment for a man whose first name is “The”. Undertaker was 21-0 at Wrestlemania.Then came Wrestlemania XXX. Undertaker faced the Beast Incarnate, former UFC Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar, and he lost. The streak was over. Lesnar became the 1 in 21-1. Fans reacted thusly:On January 13, 2016, Hue Jackson was hired as the head coach of the Cleveland Browns. He lost, and lost, and lost again. Steelers, Ravens, Bengals, Eagles, Dolphins Oakland Raiders Hoodie , it didn’t matter. Hue and the Browns lost to them all. Hue was 0-14 going into their Christmas Eve game against the Chargers, which ended like this:The Chargers lost on a last-second missed field goal, and the reaction from Browns and Chargers fans alike was thus:The following season, Jackson and the Browns went 0-16. Jackson’s record was 1-31, and the Chargers were that 1. To this very day, the Chargers are one of two teams Jackson has defeated as Browns head coach.In a way, being a Browns fan is better than being a Chargers fan. At least with the Browns, you know what you’re getting yourself into. They call their stadium the Factory of Sadness for a reason. But with the Chargers, they always look good on paper and then they suck in real life. They get their fans’ hopes up every year only to heartlessly dash them, like parents who tell their kids Santa will bring them a puppy for Christmas, only to tell the kids on Christmas Eve that Santa isn’t real and neither is that farm upstate they supposedly send Ol’ Duke to last spring.Here is an abridged list of the careers wasted by the Chargers organization without a single Super Bowl ring to show for it:Lance AlworthDan FoutsSid GillmanCharlie JoinerRon MixKellen Winslow Sr.Junior SeauLaDainian TomlinsonLorenzo NealMichael TurnerAntonio GatesPhilip RiversThe list goes on basically forever. The one time they did make it to the Super Bowl, they got there with Captain Concussion, Stan Humphries, a man who by that point couldn’t spell his own name if you showed him an industrial wrench. They played the 1994 49ers, who could have won that game had George Siefert been replaced with a slightly sentient jar of mayonnaise.In a league whose list of owners includes Daniel Snyder, a man who literally pimps out his team’s cheerleaders, Jerry Jones, who has snorted cocaine off the ass of every hooker in the Metroplex, Mike Brown, who pays his players with coal he converts into diamonds by holding them in his ass cheeks for five minutes, and the entire population of Green Bay, Wisconsin, who have turned diabetes into performance art, Dean Spanos might actually be the worst owner in the NFL. That’s really something special. It’s no shocker that San Diego didn’t want to pay for a new stadium for Spanos’ team. Spanos looks like a character actor who plays nothing but shitty, sleazy divorce lawyers on TV dramas.Photo by Sean M. Haffey/Getty ImagesAlso, Spanos is Greek, which means he’s great at losing other people’s money and then asking for more.After all this Customized Oakland Raiders Jerseys , you may ask yourself, why do the Chargers still have fans? Well, Spanos decided to chase more of other people’s money and move to Los Angeles, and it turns out they actually don’t have fans anymore, because the Chargers don’t deserve them.For the time being, the Chargers play at the Stubhub Center, which is about half as big as your average high school football stadium in Texas. The best football player who plays at Stubhub Center is Zlatan Ibrahimovic.Photo by Katharine Lotze/Getty ImagesFor a team that shares its stadium with a soccer team, you’d think the Chargers might pay more attention to kicking. Of course, they don’t, because they are the Chargers. Their last few kickers include Yunghoe Koo, Roberto Aguayo (yes, really) and Caleb Sturgis. Let’s look at how that went!I’d love to continue this, but talking about the Chargers has made me tear my ACL and put me on the shelf indefinitely. My backup, the Lesser Beyond, will come in and sound great roasting the Colts and Niners but will disappear against the Chiefs and Ravens.The Raiders game on Sunday should go something like this:Raiders win, 31-27.”Silver Mining 10/9: Jon Gruden taking blame for disappointing season Raiders newsThe Morning After: Raiders flat performance falls squarely on Jon Gruden’s shoulders | Silver and Black PrideThis was a divisional rivalry that could have gotten the Raiders out of the AFC West cellar with a victory, and Oakland just completely whiffed on even making the game competitive. It wasn’t just a loss, it was an implosion. That is on Jon Gruden not having his team ready for this game, he needs to make sure the team is better prepared and motivated for such an important game.Gruden: ‘My fingerprints are all over’ Raiders’ start | NFL.comWhen asked Monday whether he can take anything positive from Oakland’s league-worst 1-4 start, Gruden attempted to put a sunny face on the Raiders’ situation, ultimately placing the most blame on himself.Raiders now tied for worst record in the NFL but it may not be all bad news | Silver and Black PrideThe good news for the Raiders is three of the other five one-win teams are coming up soon on the Raiders’ schedule and the combined record of the teams they face the next five games is 8-17.Marshawn Lynch upset at being denied ball at goal line and ‘cute’ play leads to interception, Gruden says ‘he and I have a lot in common’ | Silver and Black PrideLynch was told the stat that since the start of Super Bowl XLIX, teams with Lynch have now thrown four times from the one-yard line and are 0-4 including two interceptions.Turnover margin weighs heavily into Raiders’ 1-4 start | SF ChronicleThe Raiders’ minus-4 turnover margin is tied for third worst in the league, and four of their five takeaways came in their lone win of the season against the Browns.The Raiders’ offensive woes are (literally) larger than Carr, Gruden | Sacramento BeeStill, Gruden chastised himself for the call, and Carr did the same for throwing the terrible interception — as both should have done — but what wasn’t mentioned in their self-flagellations was the fact that the Raiders’ offensive line was manhandled for four quarters on Sunday.AFC WestBroncos release Marquette King | Pro Football TalkThe Broncos did as expected and released punter Marquette King from injured reserve www.raidersfootballauthentics.com , Jim Trotter of NFL Media reports.Top Head-Coaching Candidates If Denver Decides To Fire Vance Joseph | CBS DenverGM John Elway could soon pull the plug on the Joseph era in Denver. And when he does, what coaches are out there to replace him?Why the Chiefs won’t fade after another fast start | ESPN.comOddly for a team with little recent playoff success -- the Chiefs have lost 11 of their past 12 postseason games -- 2018 doesn’t feel like early season fortune on the path to eventual slaughter.Andy Reid: Injuries could force Chiefs into market for outside linebacker | Kansas City StarThe Chiefs finished Sunday’s game with second-year pro Tanoh Kpassagnon and rookie Breeland Speaks manning the outside linebacker spots and there are no players behind them on the depth chart.The Chargers’ celebration in front of angry Raiders fans summed up the move to LA | For the WinAs if it hadn’t been made abundantly clear that the Chargers’ move to Los Angeles was a terrible idea, one look at Raiders fans’ turnout at StubHub Center should do the trick.What we learned from the Chargers’ 26-10 victory over the Raiders | LA TimesAt 36 and making his 197th consecutive start, Rivers passed for 339 yards and two touchdowns on a day when he barely stood out. The 300-yard passing game was the 59th of his career and second of the season. He now has 13 touchdown passes and just two interceptions. NFL NewsDrew Brees sets NFL all-time passing record, and he might put that record out of reach | Yahoo SportsBrees has a nice lead on everyone but Brady, and he’s playing as well as ever. Getting to 80,000 yards seems likely as long as Brees wants to play at least a couple more seasons, and a run at 90,000 is a reach but not entirely impossible. Only five quarterbacks have ever passed for more than 53,063 career yards.How coaching not to lose is costing NFL teams | SB NationWeek in and week out, we see coaches outsmart themselves, especially in high leverage situations. We often see coaches decide to be conservative, when aggressiveness is the right call. Maybe it’s panic, stubbornness, a lack of creativity or just plain bad coaching, but it happens often, and we saw more of it this week.Jets safety sets NFL record for longest no TD interception return and you have to see it | CBS SportsMaye needed 105 yards to get to the end zone, but he only made it 104 yards after Broncos receiver Courtland Sutton chased him down and tackled him at the one-yard line. All that work for nothing. Eagles RB Jay Ajayi out for season with torn ACL | NFL.comThe team on Monday placed Ajayi on injured reserve, with NFL Network Insider Ian Rapoport reporting the 25-year-old tore his ACL, a setback that will end his season.Giants to part ways with Ereck Flowers by Tuesday | NFL.comFlowers, a 2015 first-round pick of former Giants general manager Jerry Reese, finally reached the end of his unusually long rope after five weeks that included an embarassing Week 1 performance (broken down in depth by yours truly here) and a benching prior to Week 3. It caps a solid seven months of unrest surrounding Flowers, who was upset by New York’s signing of Nate Solder in the offseason and failed to shift to right tackle successfully.
lily Ene 4

Mu in the gram Lin Gong inside, still keep gleaming weak light.Stalin Diao wears cigarette butt and take west the section Er Si radicle interview Peking and wave the soldier leave Anglo-French intelligence report, cloudy or sunny on the face uncertain.Say in the mind words, he from having never thoughting medium-frequency wave will make to arrive together, even if is all nation that he hates to the bone,have never thought them will walk to arrive together.What did Yang Qiu exactly allow a promise?The west section Er Si radicle exactly diagram what?Polack even if want again to reply a country, always can't think that China has been killed into Europe? A chain of problems that can not explain even diluted the joy that Finland surrenders, the shells benefit connecting to stand beside was second, the man of Mo Luo Tuo and just from come back of can the men are all equally wrinkly eyebrows.In their eyes, Yang Qiu for draw together an ally to deal with Su Wei Ai have been already gone crazy!Poland refugee government and exiled soldier the definite nobody care, the English method is only the meat shield that takes several ten thousand straggling soldiers bad generals as to block bullet, even the tanks didn't allot, it is thus clear that the English method doesn't value.But not value not representative not need, solidify the whole allieses then be scapegoat with the ally, is "virtue" of British Empire several a hundred years.The Qiu Ji Er can tolerate Su the Yi private's canal to the east temporarily lose, even can bite a tooth to ignore India first, but how will tolerate China to participate Mediterranean and Europe? "Do not give a Luo man comrade, what viewpoint do you have?"Stalin twists overdo, stare at eyes of Mo Luo Tuo's man.This is his habit, the confabulations will have eyes fixed on eyes of the other party each time, a lot of first times see of the persons are all consequently dejected even frightened. Even if so several years, not give Luo man still don't be used to a this kind of Duo Duo pressing look in the eyes, but don't dare to avert from again, have to speak remaining simply putting on the pipe of his corner of mouth his/her own viewpoint just:"Stalin comrade, Polack why do like this also to didn't news, but we have already received dependable intelligence report, fleet in Mediterranean, England has been already blocked up to fill harbor, hole rather Anne should be not want to put the Poland soldier of France a main force pass by.So I think and ignore them to have what scheme, Best Hunting Knife Yang Qiu all did the affair of piece birdbrain!